Ko Samui

Gaylord Focker ruined the surprise honey moon for Pam's sister and her husband. Operation Ko Samui... remember? "Oh, Jack talk Thai, Jack talk Thai well." The scene from Meet the Parents was the first thing I thought of when I heard about Ko Samui. Picking up right where we left off, we hopped on a ferry for Ko Samui, one of Thailand's more ritzy and glitzy and beautiful islands. The Ko Phangan crew, as stated before, is just about dismantled. Only Kevin and I remain, but travelling with us are some newbies. During our SCUBA adventures we met a cool dude from the northern U.K. named Matt, with the hardest English accent I've ever heard. Also, I met a Brazilian when I was in the north near Chiang Mai and we kept making plans to meet up down south, so we finally did here in Ko Samui. So although I came to Thailand by myself, rarely have I been alone.

We got to Chaweng Beach yesterday. It is the most expensive beach in Samui, and pretty much the most in all of Thailand. But I have been able to get by in expensive spots before, as all you do is cruise town and find a little nook with a cheap guest house and a cranny for cheap eats. But this was not the case in Chaweng. Forget about budget or even midrange, this place was wall to wall upper class, and with all of the Americana to prove it. An Ed Hardy store in Thailand, are you shitting me?! Our wallets wouldn't have been able to survive more than one day, eventhough we would have loved to stay longer. The beach is miles long with sand as soft, white, and clean as baby powder, and the water is crystal clear. But it was honeymoon central, and that is not what we are after.

So we went to the next beach down to Lamai, the second nicest beach on the island, but far more backpacker friendly. We found a bungalow in a nice corner of the beach, and with a roomie to help split the costs, I'm paying $2 for a bungalow just steps from the water. $2!? For the sake of my germaphobic family members, I'm not going to go into the details of the conditions of this room. There's a bed, four walls, and a roof... sort of, let's leave it at that. I swing my door open, hop down three rickety steps, walk for ten seconds, and I'm in the water. $2!? There's a catch, no? An expensive key deposit, a ridiculously early check out time... there's got to be something, right? Julie, an Aussie and owner of White Sands is as down with the backpackers as one can be. She doesn't require a key deposit nor does she even have a check out time. It's a nice breath of fresh air compared to all of the money grubbing, stone cold Thai women bungalow operators that know you're a foreigner with a fat wallet and try to weasel away as much out of you as possible. The beach here is just as long, the water is just as clear. What makes Lamai second to Chaweng is the quality of the sand, but that's really it. For $2 a night on a freakin' beach, I'll take it.

Please enjoy another loveable, trashy moment from the Full Moon Party.