Being a good wingman is a skill that takes alot of practice, it's no easy gig, mind you. It's an adventure, filled with a plethora of possibilities. Life isn't like a box of chocolates... being a wingman is. Although it helps to be good friends with the guy you are winging for, it is not neccessary. What is most important, however, is good nonverbal communication skills between the two. And although being a wingman is not always a fun task, it is ultimately an act of good will, a selfless deed that should fall under the title of a "Good Samaritan Act".
I've been going out nonstop in Kuta for the last five nights. And I don't mean talking in a quiet bar for a couple hours, I mean raging face and broin' out, dancing till 5 a.m. then getting up to surf at 10. It's definitely Full Moon Party-esque. Anyways, last night I really wanted to go to bed early, however, a guy named Josh who I've been sharing a room with met two Canadian girls that were new to Kuta and wanted to hang out. I had ZERO interest... but like a doctor, a good wingman is always on call... write that down. As it turns out, these Canadians were on Team I-Hate-Americans-And-Think-They-Are-Igorant-Pricks. I learned this five minutes after meeting them, when I was ask if I knew the capital of Canada and who their Prime Minister is. What is this Who Wants to be a Millionaire? I knew neither of those answers, and if I had any incling of the trashing that would ensue, I would have Googled my ass off and learned everything about Canada.
I was talking to Katie, who was very pretty but her voice was extremely annoying. Her voice, plus highlighting everything that is wrong with my country, made me wanna give her the Stone Cold Stunner. "I had an operation of my right arm that would have cost $300,000 in the States, but my country paid for all of it. I can't afford that! Can you imagine if my right arm had to be amputated? And I'm a righty!" You get the picture?
Luckily, Josh gave me "the look" that he was bored with the one he was talking with and wanted to switch. Like FedEx, a good wingman delivers. Well I wish this FedEx truck crashed in the middle of the road, because this one was far worse than her friend. I was basically being trashed for 30 minutes about how "Americans don't know shit, they suck, they think they're better than everyone, blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp... " I wanted to give her a Rock Bottom followed by the People's Elbow.
But what was I to do? I can't shun my responsibilities. Remember, this isn't about me, it's about the guy I'm winging. Ten minutes later he said, "Let's bail", I told him "Thank God", told the girls, "America's very big on Botox, try some", and got the fuck outta there...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
that is awesome!! being a Canadian myself, I too wonder why Americans are so ignorant about the fact that Canadians are completely ignorant bastards!! next time, just comment on how sad it is that a great majority of Canadian identity is tied into being "not American".
ReplyDeletethere are plenty of us cool folk up here in the Great White North, don't let those two trollops ruin it for the rest of us.....